Something can be said about sunsets
Casting an orange glow in the vast blue abyss
Where the sky turns into a canvass of orange, yellow and red
A majestic cry
With rays like arms outstretched, grasping
Trying to hold on
Before finally succumbing to darkness
In the calmness, I find a spark
The spark my heart awaits
Starting a burn so slow it aches
Silently building towards an immense explosion
My heart into a billion stars
I can never really stop it
It’s a given conclusion
That I will get curious and will get burned
Immobile amidst the exhalation
My downfall from your breath
In the end, I can only stand and watch
Hypnotized
While my heart cradles the fatal light
Deluded by the awareness
That for a while, I felt alive
How can you describe the feeling
When it consumes you in ways even you don’t understand
All you know is the heavy all-encompassing weight
Dragging you down to depths unheard of
Trapping you; not letting you break free
It feels like drowning, over and over again
But you don’t die instead you live simply to drown again
It is a wonder how you can breathe, let alone function
A smile plastered to your face
When inside you are screaming
You cannot shrug it off
It is following you, becoming a part of you
Like a shadow to your existence
You have tried to put a name to it
Hoping that by putting it in a box, you will be able to conquer it
Is it fear?
Is it love?
But in the end, you reluctantly accept the reality
How can you conquer this feeling
When it consumes you in ways even you don’t understand
So you drown again
Thoreau once said that the mass of men lead lives with quiet desperation.
I feel that this is true.
I feel that I am in this state —
Trapped in my own confusion and insecurity
Inside darkness, a sense of hopelessness
Determining the path to take in itself is a struggle
With an unknown destination, stuck in the now
Hoping, looking and desperate for guidance
I know most of you remember that moment from Love Actually when Mark (played by Andrew Lincoln) showed up outside Juliet’s (played by Keira Knightly) apartment with heartfelt placards. I mean, this moment is immortalized in cinematic history as one of the most romantic and easily relatable scenes out there. But do you also remember the moment after? When Mark left Juliet’s doorsteps and he told himself “Enough. Enough now”?
If you don’t, better re-watch that scene. Or better yet, watch the entire film. You will never go wrong. This movie has been a pick-me-upper for me and many others I know. In fact, I have been reading people raving about the movie online.
But we digress. Going back, the phrase quoted above has been my mantra for a few months now. I have constantly been telling myself to get up and get a move on; to live my life and let go of all these what ifs. It is never that easy though, is it? Thinking about it, a person doesn’t really have the right to say “Enough. Enough now” when she has not yet done all that she can to get what she wants, may this be in one’s career or relationships.
In Love Actually, Mark was only able to say those words to himself after he surrendered all his inhibitions and fears and simply told the girl he liked that he liked her — without any hope or agenda. He simply wanted to be true to himself and tell Juliet his feelings. Only after, when all that was needed to be said had been said, did he tell himself that this is enough.
Maybe this is just what we need in our relationships: have the courage to express our feeling and to deal with everything that that would entail. Maybe this is also the reason most people have yet to move on because they know there is something more that could be done. Applying the same logic in our careers, maybe this is the reason why we are unsure of taking that next step, because we know there maybe something that we have yet to explore and learn.
If this is the case, then I guess it’s best that before we say “enough” with our lives and turn a new leaf, we make sure that we have done all that we can with our present situation, without stepping over anybody.
I don’t want to sound cliche, but I guess we just have to “do it”. If things do not work out, at least we are comforted with the idea that we did what we can, with no what ifs left unturned. We only live once, we better live it fully. People will most likely forget all those awkward things we have done anyway. Now, how to build up that courage to do it? Well, that’s another story…
curiouschicken 